With a new school year on the horizon, we’re gathering school supplies, checking to make sure fall clothes will fit when the weather turns, and wondering what our child(ren)’s experience at school will be like this year. We’re thinking about the math facts and writing skills they’ll be learning and hoping that they’ll be able to navigate friendships without too many tears.
Along with academics, it’s so important that kids learn social and emotional intelligence (EQ) but like other skills, EQ. Because don’t we all need more honesty, high fives, and corn dogs in our lives?
Why emotional intelligence is important
“Kids who can regulate their own emotions are sensitive to the cues of others, and able to empathize, or feel something from the other person’s point of view. That allows them to work through emotionally charged issues in a constructive way, so they have better interpersonal relationships and their lives work better.”
—From The Mother Company’s Forget IQ: 5 Ways to Boost Emotional Intelligence
According to research by EQ expert, Daniel Goleman, emotional and social skills can be taught to help our kids able to understand and identify feelings in themselves and others, manage their moods, set goals and persevere, demonstrate empathy, and navigate relationships.* Sam belie, building our kids’ emotional muscles helps them expand their capacity to handle hard things.
How do we teach compassion, empathy, and to be kind human beings?
We model the kinds of behavior we expect.
We’re nice and they learn to be nice back. It seems so easy but how many times do we lose our temper or respond in a way that we regret after words come out of our mouths? I know I’m guilty. Even though I apologize, I’m horrified when they display the exact behaviors I have. Kids will act out what they see. If they see us acting badly towards one another, they will doo.
We exercise patience.
Easier said than done, right? In the heat of the moment, it’s hard to stay cool, calm, and collected to respond in a way that demonstrates the kinds of behavior we expect from our kids. The Mother Company agrees: “Most of us keep it together fairly well until we’re upset at our child and start disciplining.”
We listen to our kids.
As a #TalkEarly ambassador advocating a lifetime of conversations around the topics of underage drinking, I’ve come to realize that the concept of Talk Early applies to more than just alcohol. I’ve always been a fan of seizing teachable moments and talking to my kids but talk is cheap unless we’re really listening to them and having meaningful conversations. Sit down, look them in the eye, and show them they have your full attention and you understand. Understanding their perspective helps validate their feelings and helps us have more conscious conversations that contribute to the development of their EQ. Kids are surprising in that they can understand far more than we give them credit for so have those heart to hearts with them from a young age. It makes a difference.
We teach resiliency by providing strategies.
Conscious conversations and showing our kids we understand them allows them to learn problem solving strategies. I remember when our daughter was in preschooler and her toddler brother used to come in like Godzilla and destroy her block towers! She was so mad! Helping her approach him to and nudging her to find words to express her frustration was an intentional problem solving strategy that we practiced together whenever the blocks fell. Eventually she became more independent at telling him how she felt and hasn’t stopped! While toddlers and preschoolers often need a helping hand from parents, teaching them to communicate and problem solve are lifelong skills that are essential for all kids to have as they grow.
We use quality educational content to reinforce what we’re trying to teach them at home through a variety of different resources.
The Mother Company- A company for moms, by moms, I can say by having worked with founders, Abbie Schiller and Sam Kurtzman-Counter, that they have fabulous resources for families. From insightful articles with expert advice and parental wisdom that help take some of the stress out of everyday parenting, kid-friendly books that teach topics like feelings, friendship, and safety, DVDs, and downloadable segments providing on-the-go learning that redefine screen time, The Mother Company’s products are all around amazing for toddlers and up, and parents too.
Netflix— Each month I provide a list of recommendations of content to stream from Netflix and I couldn’t be happier that this month’s titles promote kindness and respect towards others that are perfect to start watching this weekend as you head back to school.
Besides modeling and having age appropriate conversations with preschoolers and toddlers, this age group enjoys learning with characters they love. Here are some shows to stream featuring favorites for this age range:
- Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, Vol. 1 Ep. 6: Friends Help Each Other
- My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Season 3, Ep. 4: One Bad Apple
- Arthur, Season 15, Ep. 8: Muffy’s Classic Classy Club / Best Enemies
- The Hunchback of Notre Dame
- Super Why, Season 1, Ep. 61: The Ugly Duckling: Becoming a Swan
- The Fox and the Hound
Continue to reinforce EQ in older kids through these titles but check Common Sense Media first to ensure they’re just right for your family:
I know I’m far from being a perfect parent but since perfection is overrated, I’m going to focus on taking a deep breath, continuing to seize the moment to have conscious conversations, and modeling the way I expect my kids to act so when the go out in the world, they exhibit kindness, compassion, and empathy towards others. Baby steps, right?
*From Social and Emotional Learning: What is it? How can we use it to help our children by Dr. Robin Stern on AboutOurKids.org
This post was inspired by Netflix. No compensation was received but my family does enjoy a complimentary Netflix subscription and other items for my involvement as a Netflix Stream Team Member. Images courtesy of Netflix.
I loved the video. Definitely shared. I agreed with this entire post but especially the fact that we should model the behaviors we expect. I believe in this day and age a lot of people not just parents fall away from the fact that we are constantly being watched and emulated.
I love this characteristics list for kids!
Netflix has some great shows for teaching these things to kids. We have the service and love it for the kids. My favorite is the Disney Mulan movie.
I enjoyed the 3-minute video of the importance to teach our children about social and emotional intelligence as well as academically. It does demonstrate compassion, empathy, and kindness. One of the three that stuck with me that we do not seem to do enough is: I’m sorry. I was wrong. Please, forgive me. I believe the most important, however, is I love You. I enjoyed this post. Thanks.
These are great tips, and I loved the video. It is so easy to instill these qualities in our kids, yet so many lack compassion these days.
The video was amazing leticia
Great tips and recommendations for things to watch also. My kids are watching a lot of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood. I know that some of the strategies are rubbing off on them.
This is such a good read and guide to mothers like me who still has very young children. Thank you for this
Great tips, Leticia. As you said, with back-to-school practically on our doorsteps, it can be easy to get academic tunnel vision. Social behavior is so important, along with positive ways to reinforce life lessons around them!
We teach our kids so many things like brushing teeth and tying their shoes, emotional intelligence should also be something we consciously focus on. Great article.
listening is so important, i know a lot of parents who don’t listen to their kids and i think that is going to hurt them in the long run. everyone needs to be heard!
I think modeling behavior is the best for teaching so many things. Without even making an effort and doing something we are already doing, we are teaching our kids what is important to us.
I always try to be explicit when teaching kids about emotions. If something is wrong, I tell them why or if they say the wrong thing, I suggest a better way to express themselves in that situation. Hoping to watch some of these great shows with my 4 year old when the bigs head back to school .
I’m constantly pushing to teach these skills in my classroom, even if they are high schoolers– you’re never too old to learn to be a good person.
I love this article its not only good for kids but its also good for adults as well!
This post really made me reflect. Thinking about what my intentions are as a parent and what the reality is is so important. Thanks for making me do this.
Such a great read. I found to that involving them in fund raising and volunteering is a great way to teach compassion, empathy and kindness!
That’s a cute video. I sometimes notice that even adults have difficulty with basic kindness and compassion. It makes me wonder what they are teaching their children. Great post!
Love this post. It is always good to teach our children ways to act and when. I think if more parents took a little bit each day kids would be able to empathize a bit more or be a little bit kinder.
I am going to sit and watch some of these shows on Netflix with my son, he has a hard time with social cues and I am always looking for fun ways for him to learn different things.