This post is sponsored by Thorn for Parents and all opinions are my own.
Online safety and sex top the list of uncomfortable topics for parents to address with kids, but have you talked about sexting and nudes yet? We’re aware of the implied safety risks of digital devices in our children’s hands but often ignore the importance of talking to tweens about sexting.
The truth is kids are getting their own digital devices or using their friends’ devices at younger ages. It’s not uncommon for them to be asked to take and send naked pictures of themselves or pass along photographs of others.
Tweens are at an age where they’re exploring their bodies and curious about sex. In fact, according to Thorn research, 40% of kids ages 9-17 agreed that “it’s normal for people my age to share nudes with each other.”
Kids don’t view sexting as bad but may feel pressured or exploited. We need to prepare for a talk about sexting with our kids sooner, rather than later.
If you’re wondering how to prepare for a talk about sexting, Thorn for Parents can help.
Thorn is a technology non-profit dedicated to defending children from online sexual exploitation. Their new Thorn for Parents platform serves as a resource hub to help us have earlier, more frequent, and judgement-free conversations with kids about digital safety.
Being equipped with the right resources, in the right spaces, at the right times also reduces the potential harm and risk of online sexual exploitation.
How to Prepare for Talking to Tweens About Sexting
According to Thorn research, 58% of us say we’re not prepared to talk with our kids about the non-consensual sharing of nudes and we generally don’t know where to turn for help.
The topics you’ll find covered on Thorn for Parents are conversations we should be having with our kids. Some of these topics are easier to talk about than others but Thorn’s resources help to empower us to talk about tougher topics like sexting and nudes.
Tweens need to know that it’s illegal to share naked photos of people under the age of 18, even if they’re of themselves. The prevalence of sexting means it’s critical to start a dialogue about this topic.
Thorn for Parents contains a wealth of information to ensure you’re prepared to have a productive dialogue about challenging topics in an age-appropriate way. It educates and empowers you to feel more confident before talking to tweens about sexting.
Learn About Your Child’s Development
Child development includes physical, intellectual, social, and emotional changes. Since everyone grows and matures at very different rates, normal can vary but Thorn for Parents provides typical milestones for age ranges through the Thorn for Parents timeline.
Thorn for Parent’s Timeline educates about developmental milestones and how they relate to technology to aid parents and caregivers in supporting healthy online lives.
Click on the green Explore the Timeline button or the age ranges located in the center to learn about child development and the intersection of technology and sexuality.
Acknowledge Your Comfort (or Discomfort) Level
Thorn recognizes that not all children may fall into neat developmental buckets. Clicking on the Discussion Guides feature leads to a page where you can find guides on topics you’re concerned about for a particular age range.
You can also sort based on your comfort level on these subjects. Choose from
- At any comfort level
- Less comfortable
- More comfortable
Scroll further down the page through the square tiles to view the entire selection of content.
Click on the tile or the Explore Guide link to learn about how to have a supportive conversation with your child about the topic.
Understand Why it’s Important to Have an Early Conversation
Once you access the Discussion Guide, you’ll see an introduction that provides background information about why it’s important to talk about this topic. Each introduction features 3 bullets that gives you a high-level overview about the conversation you’re preparing to have.
Be Realistic About Expectations
If we’re uncomfortable talking about these topics, imagine how your tween feels when you bring it up! That’s why I love the What to Expect from Your Kid part of the Discussion Guides.
This sets the stage for what your child might know, have heard from others, and how they may react when you start talking. What to Expect allows parents and caregivers to anticipate parts of the conversation and prepare for them.
Remind Yourself Talking to Tweens About Sexting is Important
The bulleted information can help you feel confident that now is the right time to have this conversation. Like many topics we talk about with our kids (digital safety, friendships, underage drinking, etc.) the one about sexting is not a one and done.
Feel Confident About the Conversation You’re About to Have
The bulleted information can help you feel confident that now is the right time to have this conversation. Like many topics we talk about with our kids (digital safety, friendships, underage drinking, etc.) the one about sexting is not a one and done.
Practice Talking About Sexting Without Your Tween
There are many conversations we practice in our heads before having them with our kids. Sometimes we envision talks differently from how they go in real life.
Thorn for Parents has a Conversation Script for every topic. This interactive feature lets you play out how the conversation will go as you choose your child’s response.
The Conversation Script lets you start small with a casual conversation. That’s all you need to get started. Starting small helps you build towards the tough stuff later.
How to Keep the Conversation about Sexting Going
Pat yourself on the back for having this first conversation but talking about sexting is not a one and done. What we talk about with a pre-pubescent tween who is first getting their phone differs from the conversation we’ll have with a high school junior who is dating for the first time but is just as important. We need to be equipped to have conversations about sexting at every age and stage.
Talking about sexting earlier makes the conversation easier as our kids get older. Thorn for Parents encourages conversations without judgement. Keep them centered around trust and consent.
It’s important to empower our kids to know what to do if someone asks for a photo of them. They also need to know the risks of sending naked photos and passing around images of other people.
Discuss their role as a friend, ally, and bystander. Talk about:
- What it means to share or forward nude photos of a classmate or someone online
- What to do if they’re asked to participate in this behavior
- Why it’s always ok to call it out or tell a trusted adult when they see it
Remind them about consent. It’s not up to them to decide who should see someone else’s body.
By having these conversations, you’re creating a safe space for ongoing conversations. You want them to know you’re always here for them and support them unconditionally. Creating a dialogue makes a difference in them feeling comfortable to share when something goes wrong.
For more information about hard topics, that it’s important to talk your kids about, visit Thorn for Parents.
