As a parent and former elementary and middle school teacher, I am well aware of the mental health challenges our youth face. Saturday, October 10th is World Mental Health Day and there’s no time like the present to model self-care, openly talk about your feelings, and make it a priority to talk to your kids about mental health in age-appropriate ways. Because mental health IS health, this post is full of tips to empower you to have important and supportive conversations about mental health at home, regardless of how old your kids are.
What is Mental Health?
The World Health Organization (WHO) defines mental health as a state of mental well-being. It enables individuals of all ages to cope with the stresses of life, realize their abilities, learn well and work well, and contribute to their community. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), mental health in childhood includes reaching developmental and emotional milestones. This means learning healthy social skills and resilience, a coping strategy that helps kids navigate problems as they occur.
The WHO estimates that in 2019, 970 million people globally were living with a mental disorder, with anxiety and depression the most common. The National Institution of Mental Health estimates 5 million adolescents aged 12 to 17 in the United States has had at least one major depressive episode.
Why It’s Important to Talk to Kids About Mental Health
According to Responsibility.org’s 2025 Parents and Kids Survey, more than three out of four parents were concerned about both their kids’ stress and anxiety, and mental health. The survey also showed that 59% of kids were worried about stress and/or anxiety and 44% of kids were worried about their mental health.
The numbers don’t lie.
How to Talk to Kids about Mental Health in Age-Appropriate Ways
While mental health might not have been something our parents talked about with us as we were growing up, times have changed. It’s no longer a topic to avoid especially when you talk to kids about mental health in age-appropriate ways.
Even though I’m certified in both Youth Mental Health First Aid and Adult Mental Health First Aid, I reached out to Dr. Maria Navarro, Chief Behavioral Health Officer at dehp Integrative Care in Phoenix, Arizona. She shared suggestions for how parents can talk to kids about mental health and when to seek help from a mental health professional.
I’ve also included helpful information from Ask, Listen, Learn’s Supporting Mental Health: A Guide for Parents.
Make Mental Health Conversations Part of Everyday Life
Dr. Navarro says conversations about mental health should not happen only during crises, awareness months, or on World Mental Health Day. She says children are more likely to share difficult feelings with a trusted adult when an emotional connection already feels safe. Simple habits, like the ones below, create emotional openness over time:
- Family check-ins
- Device-free connection time
- Bedtime conversations
- Shared meals
- Emotional vocabulary games
- Storytelling rituals
- Playtime without correction or instruction
Be Mindful of Language When Talking About Mental Health
The language we use impacts how our kids view mental health and their willingness to talk about it. Ask, Listen, Learn’s Supporting Kids’ Mental Health: A Guide for Parents recommends parents be mindful about language used when talking about mental health.
Ask, Listen, Learn has these suggestions on how appropriate language can be used to support kids’ mental health:
- Avoid framing questions about mental health negatively. Instead of saying “what’s wrong?” lead with open-ended questions like “How are you feeling about…?” or “Tell me what happened today when…”
- Model using “I – statements” to describe your feelings. Instead of saying, “You don’t tell me anything,” say “I feel worried that I don’t know enough about how you’re feeling to keep you safe.”
- Choose language that helps kids understand their feelings and emotions are temporary. We want kids to know their feelings do not define who they are. Instead of saying, “You are angry,” say “I understand you feel angry” to emphasize anger is a passing feeling and not a permanent characteristic of who they are. You can model this in the way you talk about your own emotions and feelings. A feelings wheel can be a helpful tool.
- Challenge yourself to replace “but” with “and” when discussing mental health and emotions. The use of “but” can come across as dismissive when discussing emotional experiences. For example, instead of “I know it’s frustrating, but we need to leave now to be on time,” try “I can see that you’re frustrated and it is important that we talk about this when we have more time to explore what’s going on.”
- Be mindful that mental health conditions are often used to describe something or someone in a negative way. Rephrase language that might lead to misconceptions and cause stigmas around mental health. Also avoid making jokes referring to mental health conditions. Instead of saying “he’s crazy,” saying “he may be struggling with his mental health” is an example of more neutral and accurate language to describe an individual.
Share Your Feelings to Model Talking About Mental Health
Instead of forcing children into deep conversations about mental health, Dr. Navarro encourages parents to have repeated moments of connection where emotions can safely surface. Children benefit when mental health is treated as a normal part of overall health rather than something discussed only during crises.
Dr. Navarro suggests starting a conversation by talking about your own feelings or something about your day that got you down.
When parents talk openly about feelings:
- Children learn that emotions are safe to express
- There is no shame about having difficult feelings
- Kids build emotional vocabulary and can better name their emotions
- Parents become trusted emotional supports
- Early signs of stress or anxiety are easier to notice
- Children learn healthy coping skills for life
If you find it hard to talk about your own feelings, Dr. Navarro shared these age-appropriate open-ended questions to start the conversation.
Talking About Feelings with Preschoolers (ages 3–5)
- “What made you smile today?”
- “What felt hard today?”
- “If your feelings were weather, what would they be?”
- “Where do you feel feelings in your body?”
Talking About Feelings with Elementary Ages (ages 8–12)
- “What helps you feel safe?”
- “What stresses kids out the most at school?”
- “What do you do when you feel worried?”
- “Who do you talk to when something feels hard?”
Talking About Feelings with Teens (13+)
- “What pressures are your friends feeling right now?”
- “What helps you recharge mentally?”
- “What makes conversations about mental health hard?”
- “How can I support you better?”
Dr. Navarro’s Bonus Tip:
- Avoid turning every conversation into an interrogation. Small, repeated conversations are often more effective than one big talk.
Use Attachment-Based Conversations to Connect
Attachment-focused parenting emphasizes emotional safety before problem-solving. Children tend to be more open to talking when they feel seen, accepted, safe, and connected, instead of being judged and rushed.
Dr. Navarro reminds parents that validation does not mean agreeing with everything a child says. It’s important to acknowledge that your child’s feelings are real by using these phrases:
Use Play Therapy Techniques at Home
Play therapy, or theraplay, is a play-based approach that strengthens attachment, emotional regulation, trust, and connection through joyful interaction. Dr. Navarro recommends adapting theraplay-inspired activities like creating moments of shared joy, using nurturing touch, and calming techniques before talking support conversations at home.
Create moments of shared joy
Connection lowers defensiveness and increases emotional openness. Shared laughter and eye contact help children feel emotionally regulated and connected. As parents create this interaction in a playful way, it will be easier for children to communicate with them.
Simple activities include:
- Hand-clapping games
- Singing together
- Mirroring facial expressions
- Gentle movement games
- Balloon volleyball
- Cooperative drawing
- Building forts together
Use nurturing touch when appropriate
A safe physical connection can help calm the nervous system. Always keep in mind and respect a child’s boundaries and sensory preferences when exercising nurturing touch.
Examples include:
- Hugs
- Back rubs
- Holding hands
- Brushing hair
- Sitting close during conversation
- Wrapping up in blankets together during story time
Regulate emotions before conversations
It’s hard for kids to talk when they’re upset. Since calm bodies support calm conversations, Dr. Navarro suggests doing any of these things before talking:
- Take deep breaths together by blowing bubbles or playing with pinwheels
- Rock gently in a chair
- Stretch
- Listen to calming music
- Sip warm drinks
- Use grounding exercises like touching water, rocks, and grass to feel your feet on the ground
Once emotions are under control and you’ve helped them validate how they feel, you can support them in understanding their feelings. Ask, Listen, Learn recommends taking time to discuss and role play ways they might react to similar situations in the future.
Signs a Child Might Need Additional Mental Health Support
Even if you regularly talk to your kids about mental health in age-appropriate ways, there may come a time when you notice a shift that doesn’t feel right to you or you find your child in a mental health crisis. Recognizing the signs of a mental health struggle is critical.
Ask, Listen, Learn includes behavioral, physical, and emotional signs of a mental health struggle in their parent guide along with helpful information about what to do in a mental health crisis.
Dr. Navarro wants parents to know seeking support from a mental health professional early is a strength, not a failure.
Resources available 24/7 include:
- 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline- This 24/7 resource that provides judgement-free support for mental health, substance use, and more. Text, call, or chat 988.
- SAMHSA’s National Helpline- A free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service for individuals and families facing mental health of substance use disorders. Available in English and Spanish.
Thank you to Dr. Maria Navarro, Chief Behavioral Health Officer at dehp Integrative Care for her professional guidance and to Responsibility.org for letting me include Ask, Listen, Learn in this post. As a member of Responsibility.org’s Education Advisory Board, no compensation was received for including Ask, Listen, Learn resources in this post.
