This is a sponsored post written as part of my involvement with the Foundation for Advancing Alcohol Responsibility
“Mmmm…” said our 8 year old son as he caught a whiff of limes and mint as I put my mojito down on the dinner table one summer evening. “What IS that?”
“It’s a mojito,” I said very matter-of-factly.
“What’s in it?” he asked, leaning towards my glass and inhaling deeper.
“Crushed mint leaves, lots of lime juice, club soda, and rum. Would you like to try some?”
At the mention of rum, he wrinkled up his nose and muttered no thanks. Apparently the alluring smell of my cocktail wasn’t enough to tempt him to try it but I offered him a sip just as my parents did when I was curious about what they were drinking. For the record, I never wanted a sip when I was a kid either.
Even though my husband and I have offered our kids the chance to try what we’re drinking, the strong smell turns them off when they catch a whiff while peering into the glass. But as I reviewed some facts from the Foundation for Advancing Alcohol Responsibility, I wondered if offering my kids a sip is really the right thing to do.
Am I among the 25% of moms who believes that offering my kids a sip will deter them from drinking because they won’t like the taste? Am I the 1 in 5 moms who believes that allowing my kids to sip alcohol will help them resist peer pressure to drink when they become adolescents? Do I really think that not allowing my kids to try alcohol increases their desire to have it like 40% of parents do?
No. I offer my kids a sip because when they ask about alcohol, I’ve seized another teachable moment to talk to them about underage drinking as part of my goal of creating a lifetime of conversations. Our kids are 8 and almost 11 and I know we’re just heading down a very long road of difficult topics but ones my husband and I feel that are important to address as they come up in age appropriate ways. We’ve always told our kids that they can ask us anything and we will be honest with them. We just structure our conversations to match their ages and let their questions guide the discussion.
Having a drink as we sit down to a meal demonstrates that my husband and I drink responsibly. I hope modeling such behavior is a lesson they remember in the future when out with their friends. Whether or not you offer a sip to your kids when they ask is an approach that’s right for you and your family, it’s a great time to stop and think about what you will do when your kids show an interest in your drinks whether at home, at a restaurant, or in a social setting and what you will do when they ask if they can try it. Will you let them have a sip or will it be the forbidden fruit?
Even though my kids haven’t had a sip yet, when they do does it put them at risk for developing problems with alcohol? According to research- yes. Research that shows that earlier drinking is a risk factor for problem drinking in adolescence. Studies show that adults who had taken their first drink before the age of 15 were seven times more likely to experience alcohol problems than those who didn’t start drinking before 21.
At the same time, I had a a friend in college whose parents locked the liquor cabinet and didn’t have conversations with her about underage drinking at times when it mattered the most. She told stories of how she hunted around for the key when her parents went away for the weekend and threw a party, replacing the alcohol with new bottles before they returned. Somehow they found out and she spent the rest of the summer before college grounded. When she turned 21 she spent over $200 on alcohol and had her own bar in her dorm room.
As parents, it’s hard to know if what we’re doing is right all the time. I do take comfort in the fact that I offer my kids a sip knowing full well that their sensitive noses turn them off to wanting a drink even before it has a chance to cross their lips. I feel fortunate that we’ve created a culture of conversation in our house to talk about important and difficult issues, especially alcohol responsibility and underage drinking.
For more information about the Foundation for Advancing Alcohol Responsibility, visit Responsibility.org or follow them on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest.
Images courtesy of Responsibility.org. I am a #TalkEarly Ambassador and champion conversations about underage drinking. All opinions are my own and based on what has worked for our family.
So far we haven’t had this conversation. My daughter is 7. Most likely it will be my son who just grabs someone’s beer and tries it because that is who he is, an impulsive little imp. I liked the post and the questions it raises.
Here’s my issue, and it’s just my issue. I understand and respect that there are no right or wrong answers. You said “Offering them the chance to try my drink when we sit down to a meal demonstrates that my husband and I drink responsibly.”
I think when an adult offers an underage person alcohol, they are not modeling responsible drinking. I think responsible drinkers obey the rules and laws of drinking. To offer an underage person alcohol does not feel responsible. If a child is being given a pass for this rule – why not just try the joint once, or speed if you’re late to a really important meeting, or….
In other words, once you’ve broken that barrier of respect for right and wrong and laws and rules, how can further discernment be expected in a brain that is not yet fully developed?
Hi Wendy! I think you bring up a great point and certainly this is something that I struggle with because while my husband and I work hard to be open and honest with our kids you’re right that offering them a sip- even under our watchful eyes- does conflict with the laws about drinking.
I’ve had friends who have gone off the deep end in college because their parents avoided conversations about alcohol and extreme parenting styles caused them to binge when they weren’t quite the legal age to drink. This scares me. I hope that through the conversations and modeling, our kids will have the capacity to know right from wrong even if they were offered a sip as kids. For the record, neither kid has ever tasted alcohol. The smell completely turns them off!
I think we also need to acknowledge that there can be conflicts between the laws and parents whose religious and cultural beliefs and ceremonies involve alcohol for kids who aren’t of the legal age.
Thanks so much for your comment and great food for thought! I appreciate the chance to have a real discussion about this topic because it’s so important to consider all sides!
I’m with you. If my kids asked to try it, I would let them. Of course, not in a restaurant or other place where people might think it’s child abuse. We are one of very few countries with such strict drinking laws and ages.
These are the discussions I am dreading. Luckily my oldest is only 8, but I know it will be here before we know it. Definitely something to think about.
Fantastic post, Leticia. We’ve started broaching similar conversations with our oldest who is often curious about adult beverages his dad partakes in here and there, and I am always interested in age-appropriate ways to continue the conversation. We’re very open in our parenting style, and because our son has Asperger’s have to be quite direct as well.
This was a fascinating post. A topic I haven’t given much thought although I should as a mom of 4. I grew up in an ethnic Italian home where wine was served cut with water as soon as we could handle a cup. Now, as an adult I drink wine with every meal just as my parents and grandparents had. And I have to say, alcohol was never a “thing” to me as a teen or young adult. It was just part of dinner. So growing up with it made me sort of not enticed when I hit drinking age to over indulge. I guess I defy the odds stated in this article. Maybe it’s a cultural thing or I just got lucky not having a drinking problem as an adult. My kids however were not raised this way. None of them have had alcohol unless I cooked with it.
I haven’t really had the problem even with mine growing up and in fact, they’d rather I just didn’t have a drink at all. I think because mine is a can of beer and they don’t like the smell of it.
This is such an interesting topic. My husband and I drink alcohol on occasion as most responsible adults do. My 6 yr old son understands the various alcoholic drinks are for adults only. However, if my son asks for a sip, which he has perhaps only twice, we have allowed him to try it. If something is taboo chances are as children grow older and are able to obtain things on their own, they will try things and act on that taboo to be rebellious.
I have always told my kids no if they asked for a sip, but as they get older I’ll have to decide at what age I’ll let them try a tiny taste under my supervision. I pray they will cough and say “yuck” and that’s that.