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How to Teach Kids to Make Good Decisions in Tough Situations

October 2, 2017 By Leticia

A rush of feet, a quick kiss goodbye, and my two middle schoolers were off to catch the bus. I closed the door and stood with my hand on it for a second, absorbing and appreciating the stillness that comes with an empty house while marveling at my big kids. Both kids in middle school means a change in morning routine. It also means that the two little kids I used to walk to elementary school are no more.

I picked up the newspaper that the kids lobbed to me as they scurried down our front steps and made my way to the kitchen, wanting to savor the quiet a bit longer before beginning my work day. I sat down at the table to finish my coffee an article about kids putting off traditional markers of adulthood caught my eye.

Adulthood. My goodness.

Emily is 14 and Thomas is almost 12. We’re more than halfway through the 18 summers I know I’ll have with them and I often find myself wondering if I’m doing enough to prepare them for what comes next. Am I imparting enough knowledge so they’ll make good decisions on their own? Will they remember the good from the bad when put in tough situations?How to Teach Kids to Make Good Decisions in Tough Situations

“Popular culture short-circuits your children’s decision making by pushing their “hot buttons” related to peer acceptance, physical attractiveness, and stimulation,” writes Jim Taylor Ph.D. in Parenting: Decision Making that appears in Psychology Today. “When these hot buttons are pushed, children who are poor decision makers are ready prey to the inevitable bad decisions when they listen to popular culture.”

While my kids seem to have a good head on their shoulders and are making solid decisions now, will this hold true in later life? Will someone push their hot buttons? Will they be confident in standing up to their friends or will peer pressure make them switch from making a good decision to a bad one in a heartbeat? After all, high school is on the horizon, followed by college, and then who knows what their futures might hold.

“Just one screw up,” a friend said with worry in her voice. “All it takes is once and their life will be forever changed. That’s what scares me.”

There’s tons of parenting advice about how to teach kids to make good decisions. Allow poor decisions and play the “what if” game advises Parents Magazine. AllProDad.com says it’s important to let kids learn the hard lessons from their own mistakes and then talk to them about it afterwards to help them reflect. But what really happens, according to Dr. Taylor, is the absence of forethought that causes our kids to overlook the consequences of their decisions and ignore their long-term ramifications.

Even if you follow all the parenting advice in the world, all it takes is once. One friend’s voice in your ear urging you to do something you know you shouldn’t. One drink too many before that one time behind the wheel. One failed relationship. One time of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. One photo taken and shared by a friend that seemed so innocent at the time. The future is bright for our kids but it’s also a bit terrifying for us parents because the possibilities are endless and scary.

A recent Washington Post article reported that research conducted by the journal, Child Development, found fewer adolescents were engaging in adult activities such as having sex, dating, drinking alcohol, and driving among others. While that’s good news, it doesn’t mean we can throw up our hands and walk away, patting ourselves on the back for a job well done. As parents, we would be naïve to rest on our laurels, thinking our job was finished.

Instead it’s more important than ever to arm kids with knowledge they need to make good decisions by having necessary conversations about subjects like puberty, healthy relationships, sex, and alcohol that will help them keep growing socially and emotionally.

These are the topics that invite uncomfortable conversation which makes them the most important ones to have. If you’re struggling with how to approach these very difficult issues here are some resources and past posts of mine that can help.

How to Teach Kids to Make Good Decisions About Tough Topics

How to Teach Kids to Make Good Decisions in Tough Situations

Resources for Parents to Create Conversations About Healthy Relationships and Sexuality

How to Teach Kids to Make Good Decisions in Tough Situations

AMAZE.org produces engaging sex education videos for 10-14 year olds that cover the “mechanics” (e.g., puberty) and also more complex topics (relationships, gender identity, consent, etc.) to help adolescents realize sexuality is a natural, healthy part of being human. Their goal is to empower parents to be the primary sexuality educators of their kids through videos that inform and spark a conversation to provide more information about these subjects that make them less weird. In addition to resources from AMAZE.org, these posts of mine might also help:

  • How to Talk About Healthy Relationships with Tweens and Teens
  • 4 Things Parents can Do to Teach Kids About Healthy Relationships

Resources to Assist Parents in Talking About Underage Drinking

Photo by Wil Stewart on Unsplash

Responsibility.org leads the fight to eliminate drunk driving and underage drinking while promoting responsible decision-making. It’s no small task. I’m proud to say I’ve been working for this nonprofit for years to create resources for teachers to use to educate tweens about the effects of alcohol on developing brains as part of Ask, Listen, Learn. We also have some helpful new resources just for parents that will empower you for starting and continuing the conversation about alcohol in your home.

  • Start by getting to know the facts about why kids and alcohol don’t mix.
  • Since talking to kids about alcohol early and often is important, here are some tips on keeping lines of communication about alcohol open.
  • Get to know the laws that are designed to keep your kids safe, including rules about having your kids drink in your own home instead of going out. Providing underage kids with alcohol is called social hosting and it does come with consequences so know the laws in your state.
  • Talk through these hypothetical situations to help your kids practice safe decision making.

In addition to the Ask, Listen, Learn resources for parents, I’ve written a lot of posts to help guide you through conversations with kids about drinking.

  • What Do You Do When Your Kids Ask for a Sip of Your Drink?
  • Why It’s Important to #TalkEarly When a 9 Year Old Asks for a Beer

Resources for Parents About Discussing Your Child’s Digital Reputation

How to Teach Kids to Make Good Decisions in Tough Situations

As kids get older and are applying for college and looking for jobs, their digital reputation is another way that they present themselves to the world. Kids need to know that their digital reputation is an online extension of them and just as they want to make sure that they make the best first impression when meeting someone in person for the first time, the same is true about their digital reputation. Young kids who aren’t on social media often have a digital reputation that comes from photos posted by parents on their social media accounts. Tweens and teens with phones and apps like Snapchat and Instagram need to know that what they post is part of their digital reputation. Here are some of my past posts that can help you navigate a conversation about digital reputations and digital safety with your kids.

  • Important Conversations to Have with Kids About Being Safe in the Digital World
  • Important Conversations to Have with Kids About Managing Their Digital Reputations
  • Important Conversations to Have with Your Kids About Instagram

No compensation was received for this post. I work as an Educational Programs Consultant for Responsibility.org but all opinions are my own.

Related

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: alcohol, AMAZE.org, digital reputation, Foundation for Advancing Alcohol Responsibility, good decision making, healthy relationships, talking about sex, talking to teens about sex, teens, tweens, underage drinking

Previous Post: « Why You Want Arlo Baby HD Smart Baby Monitor for Your Child’s Room
Next Post: 4 Life Lessons Kids Can Learn from The Magic School Bus Rides Again »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. debbie s says

    October 10, 2017 at 3:24 am

    sometimes the tough conversations can give us a glimpse into how are kids are thinking. I think its wonderful if our kids know theycan trust us and open up. Parenting isn’t easy.

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DC area blogger & middle school computer science teacher focused on edu, family tech & teens. ❤s= 🚀 #STEM 🏃 #StJudeHeroes #legacyteamnuun 🏝 #Haiti

Leticia Barr
Still on that half marathon high! 🎉Mondays are Still on that half marathon high! 🎉Mondays are always better when you have new race bling to start your week! 🏅 I hope the start of your week goes well too! 💕
#medalmonday #stjudeheroes #runwithstjude #memphis #stjudememphismarathon
✅ = Half marathon #6 🎉 Yesterday was a gorgeo ✅ = Half marathon #6 🎉
Yesterday was a gorgeous day in Memphis for a race! The weather was absolutely perfect and my favorite part was running through the St. Jude Children's Research Hospital campus to soak it all in at mile 10. 🏃🏻‍♀️ Along the route were patients, former patients, and their families who are so incredibly grateful for the support of Heroes like me who fundraise, train, and run to ensure that no child dies in the dawn of life. 💕 I never go into any race with expectations. All I want to do is start the race having met my fundraising goal, have fun on the course, and cross the finish line.🏅So thank you for helping me accomplish those 3 goals. 🎉 This weekend St. Jude Heroes raised $14 million dollars to help St. Jude end childhood cancer. The $5,100 you helped me raise this year is part of that and I could not be more grateful! Thank you for allowing me to do what I do and run to support St. Jude. ❤️ I'm already looking forward to running in Memphis again next year! Who wants to join me? I’ll fundraise if you want to run with me! I’d be thrilled to be your race buddy if you want to run a 5K or 10K and promise to be the best cheerleader ever! 🙂 #stjudeheroes #runwithstjude #stjude #stjuderun #memphis
If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to run If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to run St. Jude Memphis Marathon Weekend, here’s a look at the experience! 🏃🏻‍♀️My favorite part is always running through the campus of St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital! ❤️Today I saw patients and their families lining the race course through campus cheering their hearts out for us Heroes. It was such a good reminder of why I choose to run this weekend year after year! 🥰 #stjudeheroes #runwithstjude #stjudechildrensresearchhospital #memphis #halfmarathon
✅= $5,000 fundraising goal met! 🎉🎉🎉WE 👏🏼 DID 👏🏼IT! 🎉🎉🎉 
It is the best feeling in the world going into tomorrow’s race having bypassed my original fundraising goal by an additional $1,000 and knowing how many of you are cheering for me! ❤️Half marathon #6, I’m coming for you! 🏃🏻‍♀️💪🏼🏅And yes, I had to go back for another photo just like yesterday’s but with my updated fundraising total! 😍 #stjudeheroes #runwithstjude #stjude #memphis #stjudememphismarathon
🎉$4,875 🎉During my flight, my seat mate aske 🎉$4,875 🎉During my flight, my seat mate asked me if I worked for St. Jude after noticing St. Jude Heroes embroidered on my jacket. When I told her I was in town for St. Jude Memphis Marathon and I ran to raise money, she opened her purse and dug around for the cash she had. 💵 She was very familiar with St. Jude’s mission from her involvement in her college sorority and is a regular donor. Even though she had just donated, she handed me a bunch of bills and wished me luck with my race 🏃🏻‍♀️I’ll be adding her gift to the total I had when I picked up my race bib. It was such a thrill to pick up my bib to see you’ve helped me surpass my original goal of $4,000 and to be so close to my new $5,000 goal! ❤️ #stjudeheroes #stjuderun #runforstjude #halfmarathoner #nuunambassador
Put on my running shoes And I boarded the plane To Put on my running shoes
And I boarded the plane
Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues
In the middle of the pouring rain 🎶  It is SO good to be back in Memphis! ❤️ Every year I think this might be my last race but the minute I get off the plane and start walking through the airport, I remember my why. My why becomes more apparent as I drive into downtown and past the @stjude campus where children and their families stay during their treatment for life threatening childhood illnesses which is free thanks to donors like you who ensure they never have to pay for treatment, housing, food, or travel. ✈️ At St. Jude kids get the best care, care that I could only hope for if my kids were to ever get sick. And that is my why. 🩺 On the St. Jude campus there are moms just like me who face the unimaginable every single day. I run for them so they can focus on helping their child live. ❤️‍🩹 I know if I was a mom of a patient, there would be an army of Heroes who would fundraise, train, and run for me and my sick child. I also run to give them hope which is something so many families have thanks to donors like you. St. Jude leads the way the world understands, treats and defeats childhood cancer and other life-threatening diseases. When this is your why, it’s hard to stop which is why I just keep going. ❤️#stjudeheroes #runforstjude #memphis #whyirun #nuunambassador
It’s almost St. Jude Memphis Marathon Weekend! ❤️ This will be my 6th half marathon & 9th race benefiting @stjude kids and families. 🏃🏻‍♀️As a race veteran, you’d think my goal would be to improve my time but honestly, my goals are to raise money as much money as possible and to run for those who can’t. If you haven’t already donated but would like to, see the St. Jude link in my bio to make a tax deductible donation of any amount. 🙏🏻 I’m so so close to $5,000 and with your help, I know I’ll get there! Thanks in advance for any amount you can give and get ready for lots of race related posts and stories over the next few days! Sorry not sorry! 🏃‍♀️❤️🏃‍♀️
#stjudeheroes #stjudemarathon #runforstjude #stjudememphismarathon #stjuderun #stjude
How do you teach computer science concepts like th How do you teach computer science concepts like the cloud? 💻Through hands-on, interactive learning experiences like the ones offered for free at @AmazonWebServices Skills Center in Arlington, Virginia. 🏢 AWS Skills Centers provides free, fun ways to learn more about the cloud and job opportunities. Visit the link in my bio for more information and to plan your visit to the Skills Center! 🚘AD #computerscience #cloudcomputing #STEM #amazonwebservices #awsskillscenter
Thankful for a week filled with family, food, outd Thankful for a week filled with family, food, outdoor fun & being photobombed by my favorite girl. 💕 #thanksgiving #family #optoutside
Find a friend who will join you at OrangeTheory in Find a friend who will join you at OrangeTheory in the morning, celebrate the workout with lunch, and take ridiculous selfies with you and @theholdernessfamily after more bubbles and bites. Thank you @lisatasch for being that friend! I adore you! 🧡💪🏼🥂And huge thanks to @westfieldmontgomery for inviting use to meet Kim and Penn! They’re just as wonderful as you’d imagine them to be! 🎄#friends #holidays #westfieldmontgomery #moco #mocomd
Every day when their boy leaves for school, these Every day when their boy leaves for school, these two follow me upstairs and jump on his bed. 🛏️ One watches the driveway from the window and the other stares out the door, ready to alert the other if he comes returns. It’s the sweetest thing! 🐾 I reassure them he’ll be back later but I’m not quite sure what this pair is going to do next year when he heads off to college. I guess we’ll pass the days until the kiddos come home with long dog walks and console ourselves with treats. 💔  #chocolatelab #yellowlab #labrador #puppylove #rescuedog #labrescue #momlife
I’ve visited historic Old Town Alexandria many t I’ve visited historic Old Town Alexandria many times but today I got to know a different side of the city by hearing little-known stories of Africans and African-Americans, both enslaved and freemen, and visiting historic sites. ⛪️ According to @j_chapman99 (founder of @manumissiontour, 4th generation Alexandrian, and Alexandria City Council Member!!) Alexandria, Virginia was one of early America’s main centers for the international and domestic slave trade. As we drove through different historic neighborhoods, the contributions by Black Americans were apparent throughout. 🏡 It was a powerful day and an excellent reminder that Black history IS Virginia history which makes it a huge part of American history! 🇺🇸 If you’re in the DC area or happen to be planning a visit to Alexandria, I highly recommend booking a tour with Manumission Tour Company to educate yourself about important historical events and individuals whose contributions to local history are just as significant as those usually mentioned in history books. 📚Huge thanks to John for making me aware of a very important part of Old Town Alexandria’s history and also to @toyotausa for inviting me to join be a part of their Steeped in History initiative. 🚘 #ToyotaPartner #ToyotaSteepedinHistory #alexandriava #blackhistory
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